Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
