I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize