Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
