Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
