sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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