no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
