I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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