how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
