i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
