her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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