I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
