I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize