Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize