So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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