Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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