She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
