you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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