I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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