Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
