i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
