Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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