he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
