I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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