I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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