just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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