just come out here and I will go home with you...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
