so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
