Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
