rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
