hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
