I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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