dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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