She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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