I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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