i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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