i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
