bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
