She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
