You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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