you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
