I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
