You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i think i just lost a toe
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
