I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
