Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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