I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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