He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i drank out of a bidet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
