The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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