Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
