I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
