i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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