You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
