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well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
