Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
