is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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