it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
