Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
