I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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