im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the day after is always just damage control
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
