We won't sleep together?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
