Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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