He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
