Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
