On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My feet surprised me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
