2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
