why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize