why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
