i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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