I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
