Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
