Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
