dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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