So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
