Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
