I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
