I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
