That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
