Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
