I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
