I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
