I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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