Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
