That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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