WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
