please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
