I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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