I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
