Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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