I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
