I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
