Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
