i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
